The fear of becoming normal

Pushing the boundaries of comfort tends to be linked with feelings of worthiness. Either we do something outside our comfort zone in a positive way such as training for and running a half marathon. Or on the flip side, we do something considered ‘bad’ that we immediately associate with unworthiness. It is very important to tap into learning what is more true or less ideal for our unique selves; however, making the ties between worth and action are where we get in a total mind-fuck. I know for me, the worthiness game always begins with the ego as the ref, blowing a loud whistle to call what’s right and wrong. The strong categorization is where I burnt out and lose. Is it really necessary to punish ourselves? Rather than thinking we did something wrong, it can be about honoring the lesson (a.k.a. experience) and taking it to learn from, forgive and do something either different or the same when the next situation arises.

Last night, after volunteering for an amazing organization, the wonderful chef “G” offered us a piece of homemade chocolate cake laced with a delicate layer of lemon icing. Similar to my last post, if you know me, you know I do not typically fantasize and much less eat substances that contain chocolate, butter, or much sugar at all (ok, never!). But yesterday, I felt that resisting the cake purely for the ingredients was wrong and part of the old Hannah. I wanted to accept the gift and be apart of the bigger pleasure of being together, supporting a powerful cause and participating in tasting life’s goodness.

To consume the cake (with an open willingness) was more than about the taste, it was cooking up a large batch of “walking to the edge, looking down, closing my eyes and jumping off”. I had an intuitive feeling that eating the cake was the best thing to do. In that moment, I knew that the trip to calorie heaven represented living with flexibility, inviting balance so that the next time I am presented with an uncomfortable situation, I can recognize that I do not have to live in strict boundaries. Although no health magazine, life coach or vegan would ever promote it, the buttery slice was served with a dose of perspective and some gratitude to garnish. I am so lucky to love kale more than cake and be privileged enough to be able to eat the majority of my food as organic and local or fresh.

So, maybe the greatest pleasure in my life is doing what I say I cannot do…for me, it’s not about defying others’ doubts, rather standing up to my own personal restrictions; breaking down the fences that I have previously built. Can we practice NOT separating the good from the bad? Can we shift the focus to coming from love and knowing that our actions are leading us to our higher good? Life is about trying new things and so maybe my fear of ‘normal’ revolves around being stagnant. Risking letting go of what holds us together breaks the chains of normalcy and builds character. Sometimes it takes a spiritual discovery or a new exercise regimen or a relationship change to bring a breakthrough from the normal routine, but sometimes, it just takes a piece of chocolate cake to rock your world and turn it upside down. Definitely should not be complaining!! Can you find pleasure in doing what YOU say you cannot do?

In health and with love,


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