Tonight, when chatting with a good friend, she posed a brilliant question that I wanted to share with you all. In those situations, relationships, and life decisions (whether extremely major or minimally minor) where things do not go the way we planned, are we really heartbroken or are we just really pissed we lost. The trouble with creating expectations or emotionally investing in people and environments around us is that we end up broken and/or defeated more than feeling overjoyed. How often does a day at work end with no stress and a clean slate? Or how often does a friendship or relationship come to form in the way your mind builds the picture?
Of course it doesn’t…that’s the beauty of life and learning to trust. Nonetheless, we ALL are still left with sadness, confusion, struggle (to name a few!) when things take a detour from our original plan. In Buddhism, the practice encourages getting farther from clinging to ideas or things, as nothing is stagnant or permanent. Developing the patience to accept the detours, notice the new surroundings, and actually cherish the route (rather than stay hooked on the old terrain) is a hell of a lot harder than having things stay on track.
And when they do become ‘astray’ (or ‘redirected’ depending on the attitude), how often is it that we are really heartbroken versus defeated by the competitive nature to control the outcome? Especially in relationships, the term heartbroken gets thrown around like it’s candy on Halloween. Not to discount the intensity of heartbreak, or even the sweetness of candy…but next time you find yourself fighting for a relationship or a job or a personal goal, ask yourself, “would I be heartbroken?” (a.k.a. is this truly worth fighting for) OR “would I simply be extremely frustrated that I lost?” Is it a battle of winning or is it truth and genuine pursuit to follow Divinity? Clinging to the idea of something is a false mask to the inherent love that exists in certain things and people in our lives. And maybe we can only know when we’ve experienced it all — loss, heartbreak, joy and success. The one thing we can count on though is that in the end, it always returns to L.O.V.E. This is your world, I am just apart of it…so make it what you will and I will do the same.
With love and gratitude!!